Rachael Kirkconnell’s 2025 Confession: “I Haven’t Had Sex for Years”

Key Takeaways

• Rachael Kirkconnell says it’s been years since she last had sex, even before her January 2025 breakup with Matt James.
• On the Oct. 16 “Extra Dirty” podcast, she described feeling “like a virgin again” and emphasized wanting emotional connection before intimacy.
• She’s “chronically single” this year, not on dating apps, and exploring language like demisexual to describe her attraction.
• Her split from James—announced in January—followed months of uncertainty about marriage; she later detailed the shock of his public post.

The confession was stark and intimate, the kind you don’t expect from someone who once found love on national television: Rachael Kirkconnell says she hasn’t had sex for years.

On an Oct. 16 episode of Extra Dirty, the former Bachelor winner shared that her “dry spell” stretches well beyond her January 2025 breakup with Matt James. She described feeling “like a virgin again,” and made clear that, for her, intimacy now requires an emotional bond that feels real, safe, and special.

Her candor arrives after a turbulent start to the year. The couple’s split became public in mid-January, and in the weeks that followed, Rachael opened up about what led there—citing differences in long-term alignment and the shock of seeing the breakup hit Instagram while she was mid-flight.

Eight months later, she’s deliberately single, re-evaluating what love means in 2025, and articulating a boundary-driven approach to sex and dating that resonates with fans who value connection over casual.

The Quote Heard ’Round Bachelor Nation — “It’s Been Years”

When Rachael told host Hallie Batchelder that it had been “years” since she’d slept with anyone, she wasn’t being coy; she was drawing a bright line around intimacy.

She said the time away from sex has reset her expectations—she wants a partner, not just a moment—and she’s willing to wait for something “incredible.” The revelation quickly ricocheted across entertainment outlets because it reframed the narrative: this wasn’t abstinence for optics, it was a boundary rooted in self-respect and emotional clarity.

Elite Daily’s recap added context: post-split, she hasn’t gone on a single date and isn’t on apps, joking that she’s “chronically single.” That choice—intentional solitude over low-effort swipes—underscores a bigger story about values and pacing in a hookup-first era.

From Reality TV Romance to Real-Life Recalibration

Rachael’s romantic arc has never been private. She and Matt James began on The Bachelor in 2021, navigated controversy and reconciliation, and then finally ended things in January 2025.

In later interviews, Rachael said the split came after hard conversations about compatibility and Matt’s uncertainty about marriage.

She also recalled learning that he’d posted the news while she was boarding a long flight—processing heartbreak while the world reacted in real time.

It’s a window into how public relationships end: not with tidy statements, but with messy timing and competing needs. And it’s part of why her 2025 dating philosophy—slower, more intentional, emotionally vetted—feels like a course correction rather than a retreat.

 “I Feel Like a Virgin Again” — Why Emotional Safety Comes First

On Extra Dirty, Rachael explained that after so much time away from sex, casual hookups don’t appeal. She wants the next time to feel meaningful, emphasizing safety, trust, and reciprocity.

That language mirrors how many people are describing attraction right now: not just who is hot, but who feels safe to be vulnerable with.

She also said she relates to the term demisexual, which describes people who experience sexual attraction primarily after forming an emotional bond.

While labels can be fluid, naming the pattern helps her set expectations with future partners—and helps fans understand the difference between chemistry and connection.

The 2025 Era — Choosing Slow Love Over Fast Swipes

“Chronically single” isn’t a lament; it’s a strategy. Rachael told listeners she hasn’t been on a date and isn’t using apps.

The goal isn’t to avoid love, but to filter for a partner who will meet her at the level she’s offering: patience, care, and long-term thinking. Publicly opting out of the app treadmill sends a clear message in a year when many are reclaiming analog courtship—shared circles, warm intros, and tangible investment.

Even industry coverage has framed this as a values-driven pivot rather than a post-breakup slump. She’s not holding out for perfect; she’s holding out for aligned. And after a high-profile relationship, the bar for emotional maturity is, understandably, high.

The Breakup, Revisited — How We Got Here

Entertainment Weekly’s reporting recapped the tense final days: a Tokyo trip, friction over day-to-day decisions, and a larger reveal—James didn’t see himself proposing.

Rachael, who had once discussed rings and plans, described being blindsided by both the conclusion and the speed of the announcement. Whatever you think about public relationships, that’s a uniquely modern grief: the “we need to talk” merges instantly with commentary from millions.

People’s timeline pieces traced the arc from The Bachelor through reconciliation to the January 2025 split. Eight months later, Rachael’s statements feel less like tea and more like testimony: here’s what I need, here’s what I won’t do, and here’s how I’ll know when it’s right again.

What “Years” Really Signals — Agency, Not Absence

Tabloids love a “dry spell,” but Rachael’s language signals agency. She’s not waiting because no one will date her; she’s waiting because she won’t compromise.

That distinction matters, especially for women whose boundaries are too often treated as plot twists. Her choice reframes celibacy (temporary or otherwise) as a positive, self-protective stance—one that many readers, especially post-pandemic, find relatable.

The Internet Reacts — Empathy, Debate, and New Definitions

Coverage spread quickly across mainstream outlets and fan spaces, with snippets of the interview circulating on social clips. The conversation that followed wasn’t just curiosity—it was vocabulary building.

Readers asked what demisexuality means, how to date when you lead with trust, and why “no” can be a love language. Whatever your label, the headline resonated because it touched a nerve: we’re collectively renegotiating intimacy.

Rachael’s New Checklist — What She Actually Wants

In past interviews, Rachael kept the “ideal partner” list simple: considerate, respectful, supportive, and someone who lifts her.

In 2025, she’s adding one more qualifier—someone patient enough to build emotional intimacy first. That’s a filter, not a fortress. And if she sticks to it, the next chapter (whenever it starts) is more likely to last.

Fashioning Confidence

The visual side of her comeback is subtle: low-key outings, close-circle trips, and an online presence that feels less performative and more grounded.

The look echoes the message—quiet luxury of boundaries over spectacle—suggesting that confidence isn’t about being seen; it’s about being sure.

Conclusion

Rachael Kirkconnell’s 2025 confession—“I haven’t had sex for years”—is not a stunt; it’s a signal. After a public split and a private recalibration, she’s choosing slow love, clear boundaries, and an emotional runway long enough to land something real.

In an era that often treats intimacy as content, her stance feels quietly radical: connection first, then chemistry. If the next chapter of her story reads like a soft launch, that’s by design. She’s writing her own pace—and that’s the plot twist worth rooting for.

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